You’d be hard-pressed to find someone who doesn’t have even a small inclination as to what “Movember” is, so it seems like a good idea to consider the allure of the moustache.
Ever since ‘70s pornstars offered free moustache rides, there’s been something of a creep factor with the ol’ snot mop. But moustaches are not just for circus ringleaders, Village People impersonators or skateboarder baristas. In fairness, there’s a certain power and mystique to having a third eyebrow below your nose.
So, let’s shoot from the hip about that fuzz on your upper lip. Life is better with one because;
YOU ALWAYS HAVE AN ANGLE FOR A DRESS-UP PARTY
Whatever the theme of a party, you already have a defining feature to work around. Going to a Wild West party? Put on a hat and you look like a cowboy. Attending a Great Gatsby event? Put on a waistcoat and a hat and you look like an esteemed gentleman of the roaring ‘20s. What about a sci-fi party? Put on a helmet and say you’re Burt Reynolds in space. Too easy.
IT’S A FLAVOUR SAVER
Let’s face it, some people like to eat twice. A decent crumb catcher can extend many a meal with the fine morsels it collects along the way. Not only that but it can also turn average wine into a fine one with its filtration capabilities. Just don’t eat sticky ribs with a big mo. That don’t come out.
YOU’LL BE RESPECTED
Growing a mo is a risk. Your friends and family will almost certainly ridicule you at first. They’ll say you look like a teenage Mexican boy, or a French sailor, but that’s just their jealousy sparking. If you push through it the compliments that started as a trickle will gather frequency and finally, after you’ve doubled down on your new lifestyle, people will start to admit they like it. Guys will confess a certain jealousy. They too want to be free and not be weighed down by the expectations of conventional society. You’re a rebel and you will be respected for your bravery. There’ll be many who try to dissuade you from this quest. None of them can be trusted. Go forth and wield your whiskers with élan.
It may seem like a simple appendage but the moustache knows many forms. The most notable among a long list of styles are the handlebar, pencil, walrus, Fu Manchu, Dali, braided, French-forked and Super Mario.
YOU LOOK DIGNIFIED, ACCOMPLISHED & SLEEZY… ALL AT THE SAME TIME
We’re all complex creatures and we deserve something that exhibits that inner complexity. Enter the mighty mo. It makes a man look rough yet royal, sloppy yet suave. It might make you look like a mechanic who catcalls passing women but, it’s been widely agreed by ladies around the world, nothing is quite as charming as a man who can wind his moustache a little using his fingers while looking deeply into the eyes of a lady.
A lip caterpillar turns heads and sparks conversations. It’s a form of creative expression and people will ogle at your face glory. Be ready. You’re not just a man, you’re a man with a moustache, and if you’re ever faced with smoking a pipe, you’ll know what to do.
YOU ACTUALLY MIGHT LOOK BETTER WITH ONE
A moustache can work wonders at softening more dominant jawlines and disguising subtle facial asymmetry. If it works wonders for some faces, maybe it’ll do the same for you? Maybe the way to spruce up your look has been right underneath your nose this whole time?
YOU CAN EARN MORE MONEY WITH ONE
A 2009 survey conducted by the American Mustache Institute (it’s a real thing, they ‘Protect the rights of, and fight discrimination against, mustache Americans by promoting the growth, care and culture of the mustache’) found that men with moustaches made more money than their non-moustached male co-workers. Based on their self-reported incomes, the study found that a fuzzy lip earned 8.2 percent more annually than those with beards, and 4.3 percent more than hair-free faces.
YOU RAISE AWARENESS
The meaning behind Movember has migrated into a pretty awesome initiative for men, across a multitude of agendas: including creating testicular cancer and suicide awareness, and ways on improving men’s health in general. So, if the eight reasons above weren’t enough to get you grooming your upper lip games then this one definitely should. Find out more.