Have you ever noticed how the magic seems to happen when you let go? How you manifest your desires when you make the wish, and then just get on with life? As opposed to obsessing about the “having” of that thing you wished for. A great real-life example of this is when people meet that special someone after they have decided to move on. It is in the letting go and stopping trying that their previous desire seems to manifest. Or when they get that promotion after they’ve thrown themselves into finally creating their own business plan, or networking for a new job.
And of course, when we get what we want, when we do actually manifest our hearts desires, oh but do we smile from within.
I think we all intuitively know that being too attached to an outcome somehow pushes it away, but what is the deal with this really, and how do we master this paradox so that we can more effortlessly manifest the lives we want to live? The gurus will tell you to stop trying so hard. This is all very well… but how?
Looking back on my own journey these past few years, I can see now that when I was in fear, trying to make “that thing that I was so afraid of not happening” happen, it was like wading through mud. Oh, the work. The drama. The effort and the striving! But when I trusted that if that thing I wanted would happen or not happen (depending on what was best for me) it was like I had an endless supply of magic making dust and voila! Happy manifestation dance!
I’ll go so far as to keep it real (because that in itself is a rare beast these days) and give you an example. One of the most excruciating realities I had to deal with during my divorce was whether or not I would ever have more children. Because I desperately wanted more children and I think I had so much fear around my self-worth, in particular, if I didn’t have the nuclear family, and my kids were not close in age (etc etc) that I would have failed myself, my son and even my mother. And in this fear and striving, I disconnected from myself. I stopped trusting. When my now husband Greg and I decided that we would like to have a baby I started taking myself and the process very seriously, I stopped following the joy. And whilst this is not why I had two consecutive miscarriages, it is why the experiences started to define me. It is why I lost sight of everything else I had to be grateful for.
Thankfully, only for a while.
And thankfully as time passed and I birthed my second child and saw that in fact, the six-year age gap that we had was absolutely for our highest good (ironically mostly for my eldest son, who I had been striving so hard to give a sibling who was close in age) I was able to integrate some more understanding on working with the mystery of manifestation. Of cultivating more joy and thus more connection.
This is what I have learnt.
Non-attachment or ‘Wu Wei’ as the Taoists call it (literally means non-doing) comes from, I believe, putting your effort into and being impeccable about the choices you make, rather than trying to control the outcome of those choices. It is about being serious about what you want, rather than being very serious in making it happen. Living with ‘wu wei’ is flow and as soon as you feel yourself starting to strive, it’s time to asses your relationship with ‘wu wei’. One of my mantras to support me with this is; “I have choice, but I am not in control.” Ultimately the guiding light is trust.
And talking about choice, something else that has crystallised for me is that happiness is circumstantial. And just like anything else, in striving for and trying very hard to be happy, we are likely to push it away. But joy? Joy is essentially who we are when we are connected to and when we live in trust. Joy anchors us, giving us the opportunity to better stay grounded during the strong currents and storms of life. If you are serious about living with more joy (but not serious about the way you go about living with more joy) then be absolutely and steadfastly and doggedly impeccable in choosing that which gives you joy. Choose joy in the work you do, in the paths you take, in the people you connect with. And then trust that in following your joy that you are safe, that you are enough and that you will have enough.
Be impeccable with your choice and then be impeccable in your trust of the outcome.